At night, as I lie in the camp on my plank bed, surrounded by women and girls...dreaming aloud, quietly sobbing and tossing and turning, I am sometimes filled with an infinite tenderness. And I lie awake for hours, letting the impressions of a much-too-long day wash over me. And I pray, "Let me, oh Lord, be the thinking heart of these barracks." That's what I want to be.... The thinking heart of a whole concentration camp. I lie here patiently, and now calmly, and feel a lot better. I feel strength returning. I've stopped making plans and worrying about risks. Happen what may, it's bound to be for the good.
I am a GED teacher in a women's prison. There are definitely women there who have prayed a similar prayer, if not the exact same prayer. What a tender place it touches in me when I see women, sometimes the younger ones, and sometimes the older ones, offer their hearts and hope to encourage their fellow inmates! I know at such times, and they are many, that I am receiving a pearl of great price even as a spectator. But I'm not really a spectator. I am woven into the fabric there, too. And I am glad! Like Etty, strength returns.
Isn't this the prayer of the faithful who find themselves in the midst of any turmoil? Most of us will not face that level of adversity, yet there is turmoil in almost every aspect of our lives. "Let me oh, Lord, be the thinking heart" of this place. Amen
Dear readers,
When I first read Etty Hillesum over 30 years ago, it gave me a powerful picture of what it meant to be "spiritual." Her story was like a little flashlight that began to light up a pathway for me. I now see more clearly that Etty's ability to choose to be a "thinking heart" within the context of the camp - is the kind of choice that is open for all of us. Whatever our context, the power of the human spirit to choose its intent and its path and its posture is a deep and true spiritual power.
"Happen what may, it's bound to be for the good."
Etty's 'interrupted life' is faith personified in her perseverance, hope defined in her living day to day.
"Let me, oh Lord, be the thinking heart..."
Let me, oh Lord, be the feeling spirit...
Let me, oh Lord, live my faith, my hope, my love...
"Happen what may, it's bound to be for the good."
ljm
What a perfect witness to the previous piece on "PERFECT LOVE" that casts out all Fear! What a BENEDICTION - a BLESSEDNESS! In Etty's "Thinking Heart" I can hear a crystal bell echoing a 'Holy Sanctus' and envision the Holy Angels tip toeing through the camp, placing this rare flower in the arms of each woman and girl there, fresh with Heaven's dew. Then the Holy Angels, filled with the same "ifinite tenderness", collect all of the "sobbing tears" and place them in a 'sacred ciborium' to carry off to the 'Tabernacle of God'!
NO Evil, horror, tragedy or victimhood can be so great and devastating as to keep God out with HIS Redeeming Power! Etty had an 'open heart' - a 'generous heart' - a heart reaching out to God with FAITH, and this made all of the difference in the circumstances in which she found herself; not only for herself but for all of the 'chosen souls' suffering with her.
"...happen what may, it's bound to be for he good".
I've never come across this author...thanks so much for sharing this passage, and I'm so glad Inward/Outward is back!
I've never come across this author...thanks for sharing her work. I'm so glad Inward/Outward is back!
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