Let us keep this truth before us.
You say have no faith?
Love -- and faith will come.
You say you are sad?
Love -- and joy will come.
You say you are alone?
Love -- and you will break out of your solitude.
You say you are in hell?
Love -- and you will find yourself in heaven.
Heaven is love.
my father is 74 and suffers severe depression. he also has a pinched nerve in his back that feeds the depression with pain and discomfort. the depression feeds the pain and discomfort because he rarely leaves his home. will not attend social gatherings of any sort. prays that God will heal him. prays for meaningful work. and yet cannot rise to the occasions when the prayers are answered. the black hole of his profound emotional need is draining my mother of nearly every ounce of her life, though she makes courageous choices to fend off his "attacks." ("if you love me" . . . "i am all alone with no friends" . . .) much of his life now is consequential to the choices he has made over the years and an integral sense of a kind of entitlement that God would enable him to do whatever he wants without consequences (no exercise, poor diet, abdicating a social role in society as he has grown more physically uncomfortable, feeding the introvert without disciplining it).
Yet he was an international/world leader heading up a powerful interpolitical, church-based organization which through his vision and ability to motivate his international directors was able to save and redirect countless lives for more than 25 years.
Who has failed here? God? my father?
i can't decide if today's piece is encouraging or utterly offensively simplistic and trite.
i do not know how to be part of a solution to my father's life as he's created it. i do love him. i do not know how to help him. how to give him the key to unlock him from this hell or free my mother. don't ask me if i pray, you know better.
i struggle with the conviction (intellectually i know this is ludicrous) that this is up to me, that i should be able to do something, i should be able to fix it. but i can't. dad should be able to do something. why doesn't he fix it? i don't think he can any more. the patterns are so deep and complicated by health issues and possibly TIAs and even perhaps a pinch of dementia. now for the question that slices my core with toxic rage and confusion: why isn't God doing something? God can't because my dad can't? is that the answer?
kayla, and many of you who read this, you are not light weight in dealing with the most difficult social and spiritual issues we face in this life. i write this here hoping for insight into this "love will fix it" stuff.
i sincerely apologize if i have overstepped the bounds of this blog. and i further explain the reason i have withheld my identity was in order to be able to be as honest as i can without feeling any kind of ... guilt that i betray my father's identity. he has a great deal of shame about his life right now. apparently i do, too.
in advance, i thank any of you who have a word of comfort, a story of hope, ... any insight.
Withheld-
Just some Hopefull insight and hopefully, words of comfort. Firstly, you ARE being a part of the solution by openly laying yourself bare here on I/O in the midst of your great pain and yes, your Love. In doing so, much Healing can come of it, primarily for you and in turn, God willing, HE can work through you for your Father and Mother as well. I am sure many will be praying for you and all concerned, by your writing here, but also and more importantly, by exposing the darkness of shame and pain to the Light of Grace here is a beginning to dispelling the power of evil; those insidious wiles that work their clandestine way into all of our lives, holding us captive before we even realize what hit us and how. You say "who has failed here?". That dicing-up would only fragmentize the "Mystery of Life" - trying to find and put back the missing puzzle pieces, then in the end it would not even be the full picture. Life is a flowing continuum from birth to death, enveloped in a GREATER picture, and trying to figure out where and when we 'bit the apple' is precisely where the Evil One wants to convict us and keep us stuck. Now--IN comes LOVE, or as you put it "Love will fix it stuff", which brings us to today's reflection. The LOVE the author speaks of here is a LOVE that transforms from WITHIN. A LOVE that does NOT depend on exterior manipulations or circumstances; in fact it defies them, it s a LOVE that is Invincible - a CHRIST-like LOVE! This LOVE alone is the antidote for the 'poison apple' or 'venom' that we experience in all of its death-dealing blows. Tap into this LOVE- ask/BEG Jesus - HE desires it too! This LOVE is 'Pure Simplicity', not simplistic or trite. God ALONE knows your Father's Soul and how to "reach him". Not withstanding his physical/mental needs, Loving Patient endurance from you and your Mother can make all of the difference in his world. Who knows how GOD's Light and Love will reach him! Perhaps you or your mom just shining his shoes one day; maybe getting out some old photographs and remembering, laughing together with him. Maybe the morning sunlight streaming in the window on you or your mom's face will trigger 'a LOVE remembered' and then... - who knows? GOD KNOWS!!!
And God BLess,
margaret rose
This is beautiful. So simple but direct! Sometimes I find these simpler poems say what they need with more power...kind of like an earlier passage....using less words, and even the rhythm creates minute moments of silence. The repetition is powerful too. We have complicated our lives up so much that the simple,direct and clear really appeals to me. An antidote for all our crazy lifestyles and speeded up energies. and the message is one we all know but do forget. Thanks.
I am so sorry! There is no advice I can give that you probably have not already heard, but, love and trust will help IF the secrecy can be dealt with. In sharing the mental illness of a family member with others, (family, church & limited community) we were able to take away some of the intensity and offer acceptance. With a well known person, it must be more difficult, however, the feeling of acceptance offered by others can be life saving. Depression is a mental illness, and, like other illnesses, is healed in God's time and needs all the professional attention you can find. My advice...keep praying, ask others to pray for your whole family, and reach out for help. My family did...and it did help.
Dear withheld,
I don't know if this contribution will help or hinder. First, the background: I have a toxic tendency to ravage myself with negative thoughts. They seem so true and fill me with such despair. I had a bad bout of it yesterday. When it's bad I am really annoyed with and mad at God, Jesus, Christianity, and my church. I also become convinced that I am a failure worthy of utter scorn, deserving to be fired from my job, to be exiled from my family, and to be disowned by my friends.
When i read this poem I read the suggestion that if I am sad, angry, or lonely I need to exercise love - the kind of love that is a choice, not merely a happy feeling of affection. I need to exercise love toward myself - thus, in a disciplined way remind myself of the data that disprove my convictions of failure and unlovableness. And also to interact with those around me in a loving way, regardless of how awful I am feeling. My own choice to love my self and others would help restore my faith, and my sense of worth. It is based on a belief that God will step in and heal if I make that choice to love. Yesterday I was blessed beyond measure that a friend of mine who knows me well could listen while I reeled off my toxic thoughts and she presented that other data that I was willfully refusing to see for myself. But - and this is crucial - I was also willing to -- even yearning to - let her remind me.
I don't think this poem really helps with the problems your father is having or with the problems you and your mother are having with his dreadful depression. These kind of devotional poems can be BEYOND aggravating if one is wrestling with something truly awful. I don't think the author was suggesting that you should somehow love your father into wholeness or that your mother can either. He must want to exercise love in spite of his horrible mental state, and/or want to let others love him back into a state of grace. If he doesn't want it, and this is not a matter of blame against him - because we cannot know how cunning the demons are that are attacking him - then it seems sorrow and a measure of detachment are appropriate responses for you and your mother. Sometimes we must face terrible sorrow and injustice. I don't know why. But when we must, then it is time for us maybe to ask others to love us and to want to let them.
Dear withheld:
I don't know personally what to share with you. I do though know someone personally who is great at working with issues similar to what your dad is suffering with. His name is Rev. Mike Flynn. You can reach his organization FreshWind at http://freshwindministries.org/ . I would most highly recommend you get in touch with him.
Meanwhile I will pray for you and your family.
Deanna
I found this quote today, and just love it. I think it applies well to our writings today.
I can stick artificial flowers on this tree that will not flower; or I can create the conditions in which the tree is likely to flower naturally. I may have to wait longer for my real flowers; but they are the only true ones.
- John Fowles
Dear Withheld: Many great comments have already been written but I just want to say I am sorry you are dealing with all this pain. I have ben through many painful and sorrowful events including dealing with family mentsl illness. When you experience these difficulties it takes everything out of you so, like others have said, take care of yourself, please. We can't always provide the fix and that itself is sad and painful.....we have to take care of ourselves, no matter WHAT we are dealing with in helping others. You are important too!! Take Care.
Post new comment